I Like it Spicy

It is not uncommon to see my nose in a kindle, catching paragraphs throughout the day, at the usual times: before bed, upon waking, or on the weekend, of course. But if I’m deep into the story, you’ll catch me reading at a red light, during my breaks between clients at work, or even a few pages waiting in line at the grocery store. If my partner is out of town, you better believe I’m staying up until at least 2:00am, totally engrossed in the story. Am I a little ashamed of this behavior, sure, but that isn’t the true heart of this girl’s guilty pleasure. Oh no, it's the content of what I’m reading. 

There’s a reason I’m reading on a kindle, it’s so you can’t see the cover of my book–all swirling type fonts and bare chested men. Romance fantasy aka “romantsy” books are what make me lose sleep, take me away to far away lands and leave my panties wet. Give me dragons, give me shifters, give me dark and brooding, enemies-to-lovers tales where the female lead finds her unknown power while getting banged by a chiseled fae warrior god. But don’t stop there, give me more! In the romantasy world, books are rated by chili pepper spice depending on the level, amount, and description of intimate or erotic scenes. A single chili indicates some spice, sexual tension with some description of intimacy. Four chili peppers mean the content is explicit and X-rated. And folks, I like it spicy! I’ve come to find out I’m a four pepper spice kind of girl. That’s right, I love it so hot and heavy it hurts. I love the “multi-partner, reverse harem (yes, it’s a thing) female lead worshipped by all kinds of males” kinds of stories.  

I’ve always loved fantasy book series with female protagonists and stories that offer both imaginative escapism and seeing myself in the struggles, adversity, strength, and ultimate empowerment of the lead characters. While reading more explicitly erotic books, I connect to a deep and primal place within me: the source of creativity, sensuality, sexuality, and where connection to self begins. Here is where the inner fire resides. 

I have spent a lot of time working on my connection with my inner fire. In the past, my understanding about myself as a sexual, sensual being was disconnected, as if I was watching myself rather than experiencing in the moment. I, at times, felt embodied, but only fleetingly, or rarely, and it felt utterly out of my control. I had no real sense of myself as a woman in a female body, and thus developed chronic pelvic health issues. At times I believed I was broken, and I didn’t know if it was possible to get better or to feel whole. But, just like all my favorite female protagonists: I’m a survivor, I trusted myself, and I found my way through.

In my journey to heal, I realized I treated my sexual self as naive, childlike, immature or underdeveloped. I was shrouded in self-criticism, vulnerability, and extreme judgment–for both myself and others. I even saw other people’s expression of their sexuality as threatening, sometimes even disgusting. This view cleaved connection in my romantic partnerships, and also in my relationship with myself. And then came fantasy-romance-erotic stories.

Amidst my romantasy indulgence, I began to listen to my body. I sensed my mind and my body working together, experiencing self-discovery and sexual discovery simultaneously. I read voraciously, passionately, a little fanatically and my reading tastes evolved. I became curious about the love stories not of just one female and one male but of multiple partners, same sex partners, polyamorous dynamics. I still love a great “fated mates” story of two individuals, but what I have come to realize through all these books (and there have been MANY) is that all flavors of love and lust and desire and erotism are beautiful and powerful. Because the erotic and the sensual are fundamental to the human experience, to the female experience. AND, just because I enjoy reading all this variety, it doesn’t mean I have to act on it or even want to act on it. That is the beauty of fantasy–it allows for my imagination and my creativity and my sexuality to weave together because they all come from the same place. Who knew romantasy could be so educational? Now, go pick up a romantasy book and give it a whirl. Need a recommendation? I’m happy to share :)

Abby is an intuitive bodyworker, and Licensed Massage Therapist, from a family of storytellers. She is drawn to the essence-of a story, of a belief, of all that we are and how that is expressed through our human experience. Click below to learn more about Abby's bodywork.