ON MY FRIENDS, MANY OF WHOM ARE FEMALE OR SHIPS

Like many women of my age, I spent a sizable amount of my formative years watching Sex and the City. Though, even in high school, I recognized the show as a fantasy – these women were at brunch seemingly every weekend. They could all afford to live alone in New York City, and the furthest away anyone moved was Brooklyn. Yes, it had its faults as a TV show but it also had its merits, or at least some things to strive for. Things I wish I had: Carrie Bradshaw’s original apartment, her wardrobe, and  her proximity to her friends. 

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It’s a given when you live in New York that, eventually, most people will leave -- it’s a transient city, it’s the nature of the beast, the mustard on the hot dog. I started my adulthood with most of my closest gal pals already multiple states away. There’s my oldest friend, Brittany, whom I have known since we were nine. We haven’t lived in the same state since we graduated high school. Can it be twenty years already? No, of course not, definitely not. Her child is almost the age we were when we first met -- which is an insane thought, really. 

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There are my friends from college out in California, they journeyed west as soon as they could and are now the only reason I consider LA ever worth visiting. Laura, another college friend, did live in the city for a few years, but has since moved back closer to her hometown. But there was a brief shining moment in the early 2010s when my life was as close to Carrie Brashaw’s life as it will ever be. I had MULTIPLE friends that lived in New York, and those years were filled with brunches and nights out – and I wasn’t tired all the time. It was glorious.

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There is much less galavanting now. Even with my friends that still live in the city, I see them on average something like once every two years. Staying in touch with friends as an adult is hard. The barriers are many; the trains don’t run frequently on the weekends because of “track work” (CURSE YOU, ROBERT MOSES!). Some people live in Brooklyn, which is essentially another state for me, someone who lives in Queens. Yes, we are technically on the same land mass, and that land mass is also technically the land mass that makes up Long Island, but we don’t talk about that. The main point is, only the G train goes from Brooklyn to Queens without having to go through Manhattan first, and while it’s just one stop, it’s an exhausting transfer. For my friends who don’t live in NY, there’s still the hurdle of… life. 

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Work is draining and can leave me wanting to only  come home to watch TV at the end of the day, and avoid speaking to anyone except my cats or the characters on TV. I’m married too, also. Some friends have children that require their attention at the end of their own long day. Catching up requires scheduling a call. Like work. For those in Texas or out on the west coast, or on whole other continents, there are time zones involved which makes the task of connecting borderline Herculean, and unlike Hercules I do not put the glad in gladiator. 

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The point is, I miss spending time with my friends. I miss when we were all down the hall or a classroom away. Female friendships are practically a vital sustaining life source -- it’s why some of the most enduring TV shows and films of the last 40+ years center on these relationships. “Female Friendship TV” is its own Netflix genre. I know this because it’s in my top five category suggestions, and yes, this algorithm included “Selling Sunset” in the recommendations. I’ve never watched it, but maybe those LA real estate agents selling multi-million dollar homes have some beautiful friendships! It’s a possibility!

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The women I am lucky enough to have in my life are pretty spectacular and any time spent with them is time well spent. My friends make me better. They are intelligent, caring, funny, cool, and make me all those things by association. Every woman I consider a close friend is one that has shaped me, supported me, and whether or not they knew it – kept me anchored. I would not exist without them (or gone to therapy). Even so, I don’t call or text them as much as I should and sometimes I fear that our friendships are being held together by shared memes and scotch tape. It’s why when I am able to spend time, in person, with these wonderful women, I cherish it even more, as it reaffirms that while what our friendship looks like might change, the love we have for one another will always be there.

To quote Carrie Bradshaw “After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know, the ones you love are always in your heart and if you’re very lucky, a subway ride away with zero transfers and not running on a weekend or holiday schedule.”