Ritual of No Ritual

When I first saw the word “ritual,” my mind went blank. Not because I couldn’t think of one, but because I couldn’t think of any. I don’t have rituals. At least, not the kind people post on Instagram. I even wondered if I should make something up on the spot.

Because shouldn’t I, by now - a grown woman, a mother of three kids ages seven, five, and three - have carved out some comforting habits? Shouldn’t I have found the thing that grounds me, steadies me, something I can point to and say: yes, this is mine?

I was filled with shame. I’ve wanted to journal. I’ve been meaning to meditate, I’ve planned to set aside time for more consistent workouts.

The last few years have felt like balancing a plate that never stops shifting. Just when I finally steady it, something new gets piled on - another need, another crisis, another surprise. Parenting three kids means the plate is always overloaded, and every day I’m relearning how to keep it from crashing. Some days I manage; other days, it feels like it’ll all come sliding off.

And beyond my home, the world feels volatile too. In the work I do, I’m constantly reacting - responding to news, to crises, to change. And when you live inside reaction, ritual is a hard thing to find.

The truth is that whenever I’ve tried to build a ritual, it has collapsed under the weight of real life. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe my ritual, right now, is the absence of ritual. The willingness to say: I don’t know what today will look like. The willingness to let each day meet me as it is, not as I had planned. The bravery to say, thats okay. 

Rituals, after all, are about meaning. They’re about creating a container for life’s messiness, a repeatable act that says: this matters. And maybe, in this stage of motherhood and unrest, what matters most is granting myself permission to not repeat, to not force rhythm where there is only improvisation. Where there’s only survival. 

And maybe, just maybe, my ritual can be giving myself grace in these times. 

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Nikki Sapiro Vinckier is an OBGYN PA, a reproductive health advocate, and founder of Take Back Trust. She writes about medicine, politics, and the places they collide.